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[30 Mar 2004|11:34am] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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Where has everyone gone?
I miss my friends.
-Vincent
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[22 Mar 2004|08:36am] |
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mood |
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guilty |
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Scarlet said something to me yesterday, and I've been thinking quite a lot about it. And I find myself wondering...
Am I some sort of whore?
I certainly seem to have gained the reputation. There are entire books devoted to the subject of people (and monsters) I know raping me, and in them I either fail to defend myself to any useful degree or wind up enjoying it. There are even books of me raping someone else, although these are thankfully rare...just the thought of Chaos raping Cid makes me feel guilty, and it never even actually happened.
None of the things shown in these books actually happened, in fact. But someone evidently believed that I would do these things, or want these things to be done to me; I never thought much of it before, but now it disturbs me. Do others perceive me as some loose whore?
There was the one time with Cloud...but we were drunk. And those times with Sephiroth...I don't really have any excuse for those, come to think of it.
I suppose this is all part of my punishment...
-Vincent
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[18 Mar 2004|01:26pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
] |
I'm finally back in Nibelheim. Cid was very kind, letting me stay with him on the Highwind for so long although he wouldn't have had to put me up for so long if he hadn't made so many inexplicable detours, I'm still not sure what all that was about. Especially since I didn't have any of my own clothes. Speaking of clothes, Cid, all your spare clothes seem to have holes in inappropriate places, or they're skintight--even on me. I think you ought to go shopping soon.
It was good to get back into my own clothes. Unfortunately, it seems the mansion has been infested with fangirls; by the time I ferretted them all out, they'd ripped most of my clothes off again. Very annoying.
Most of my friends have been too busy recently to keep up with their journals. I can understand that, of course, but it makes me feel strangely lonely. It's been a rather nice change, being able to keep in touch with them digitally. And as for our enemies, it's been very convenient for me to be able to read all about what they're up to.
Hojo's absence disturbs me in particular. I can only imagine what he's doing in Junon, and nothing I can come up with bodes well for anyone and most of it involves me naked, which is hardly comforting.
...hang on, there's a noise in the basement. Either Yin-Yang is knocking over coffins, or I've missed a fangirl.
...back now. It was a fangirl, as I suspected. And she was filling my coffin with...things. Various rubber phallic instruments--some with buttons on them--and tubes of a substance I'm not familiar with. Whatever it is, it's cherry-flavored. It smells nice, anyway...is it some sort of bath gel?
-Vincent
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[14 Mar 2004|12:59pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
] |
I will never, ever get drunk again unless there are extenuating circumstances.
Cloud, Cid, and I went to a bar the other day--long story short, we all got extremely drunk. Cid more or less simply passed out, whereas I fear I may have done some...exceedingly shameful things with Cloud. My memory is fuzzy, but what I do remember is not comforting even though Cloud looks very good naked. And he left before I could apologize to him.
Meanwhile, Hojo is going on vacation in Junon. I'm tempted to call in an air strike pursue him there, since he may have left his fangirls behind; it's possible I could corner him there. But I'm wary of running headlong after Hojo again after the fiasco that was my last attempt to kill him.
Perhaps I shall simply begin re-educating the clones Hojo made of me, since he doesn't seem to be interested in a swap for the pictures he has of Cloud. As disturbing as it is to see several copies of myself, they could be very useful if I can manage to teach them combat skills...the phrase 'an army of one' has never been so apt. If nothing else, I'm sure I can use them as fangirl decoys.
I haven't slept with been raped by gotten molested by heard anything from Sephiroth in nearly a week. I'm growing desperate concerned; he may be up to something.
Also, Zax? I heard you've moved in with Scarlet. I'm not going to ask WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING why, but are you sure that's wise?
-Vincent
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[11 Mar 2004|09:54am] |
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mood |
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ashamed |
] |
Well, I'm free of Hojo's clutches; I'm typing this from the interior of the Highwind right now. Since Hojo took most of my clothing, Cid has thoughtfully given me some of his own spare clothing. They don't fit, of course, but it's the thought that counts...although I am somewhat confused. Cid is taller and broader than I am, yet these clothes are very tight even on me. How could he possibly fit in them?
Still, I'm not complaining. All those hours of being nearly naked in a cold cell have come to make me appreciate clothes.
But recently upon checking everyone's journals, I seemed to have discovered a disturbing trend...Scarlet seems obsessed with Cid's...posterior, and although I may be imagining it, Nanaki seems to have an unhealthy interest in my friend's looks as well, and both seem to be lurking around him. It doesn't seem very kind to Cid...he's attractive enough, but am I the only one who spends time with him for reasons other than that? It makes me feel almost possessive of him...but that's ridiculous, of course.
For instance, just a little while ago he very considerately gave me a very nice backrub, saying that after my ordeal I could use one. It was very enjoyable, except that his spear kept poking me in the back. Still, a small price to pay.
In any case, all this might be good for him. I know that many people seem to think I'm attractive--for reasons I have never understood--so it's a relief nice that Cid is getting some of the attention for a change. Still, the thought of Cid with Scarlet rather disturbs me...as do the possibilities of what Nanaki may or may not be intimating. (My apologies in either case, Nanaki.)
Anyway...
Chaos is absolutely livid about what Hojo did to 'the host' (me) while I was in his clutches; he keeps trying to get out. In fact, as soon as the fangirls in the lab were subdued, he came out and dragged Cid halfway around the place, trying to find Hojo; I don't know how we would have gotten to the Highwind if I hadn't managed to subdue him again. Chaos doesn't seem to like people being attracted to 'the host'; I think he takes it as a personal insult.
Chaos is almost a welcome distraction, however; I feel so guilty for allowing myself to be captured by Hojo...again. Cid and Cloud had to go to so much trouble...and Cloud was humiliated in the process. I don't deserve such friendship. Perhaps I can bribe Hojo somehow into turning over his pictures of Cloud...perhaps as a ransom for these Vincent clones. They seem to have served a very...specific purpose for Hojo; as much as I abhor the thought of my likenesses serving Hojo in that capacity, it would be worth giving them back to help Cloud. In any case, they serve no purpose to us...although Cid seems to like them a great deal. I don't know why--all they do is cling and touch inappropriate places. Disgusting, really...and very disturbing when they do it to me.
Yuffie, if you still want that Sense materia, you can have it. I have no use for it, and I'm grateful for your offer to help me even if it wasn't necessary.
-Vincent
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[10 Mar 2004|08:23am] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
] |
Hojo has put a computer in my cell. I can't imagine why; perhaps he thinks I'll beg my friends for help. In fact, I want to tell Cloud and Cid to stay as far away as possible--I completely failed to anticipate or plan for the loyalty and numbers of Hojo's fangirl army, but there's no need for either of you to make the same mistake on my account.
And to be honest, for the most part my treatment by Hojo is much improved from the last time he had me at his mercy. Aside from some inappropriate groping and some embarrassing pictures, he's done nothing to me--which may be because he's having his fangirls torture me. He's taken most of my clothes and set up several fangirl guards outside my cell, and if I have to listen to them squealing for much longer I'm afraid my eardrums may burst from the decibel overload.
And I don't know how Hojo figured it out, but my transformations seem to loathe fangirls with such an intense passion that they won't come out even if I invite them to do so. I could probably escape this cell if I could transform, but even Chaos has gone into hiding.
This is the second time I've allowed myself to be captured by Hojo. Evidently thirty years in a coffin taught me nothing at all.
-Vincent
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[08 Mar 2004|10:54am] |
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mood |
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 enraged |
] |
Hojo is alive.
Not only alive, but he is evidently surrounded by young (desperate) women, and he has named his journal after the monster he set to guard my basement to keep me from ever leaving.
I am going to kill him destroy him feed him his own genitals have his guts for garters confront him. I'm already in Midgar in any case.
-Vincent
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[05 Mar 2004|05:12pm] |
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mood |
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suspicious |
] |
I've just discovered that Rufus is apparently alive, well, and updating his online journal.
I might be mistaken, but wasn't Rufus dead?
Cid, I may have to bow out of this vacation you have planned. I need to make a trip to Midgar to put a stake in Hojo's heart in case he's thinking about rising from the grave; it seems to be a popular pastime amongst the dead around here. After that, I may or may not put him in a solid steel coffin & have it cemented inside a wall.
I'm leaving now--hopefully I'll return in time to go on the trip.
-Vincent
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[03 Mar 2004|09:10am] |
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mood |
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depressed |
] |
A lot has happened over the past two days.
First of all, I'm told I was attacked & stripped by rabid fangirl fiends(I was drunk at the time, so I don't remember). I kept my cape, and Cid recovered the rest of my clothing for me; I don't know why he scattered them all over his room rather than just putting them in one place. I suppose it was because he was drunk too.
Yuffie seems to have found my journal. Personally, I think dealing with her personally is punishment enough. Reno is lurking as well, for unknown reasons.
Cloud's friend Zax, who apparently is supposed to be dead, is alive and understandably confused. He also seems...inordinately fond of Cloud. I should probably warn him about Tifa and how possessive she gets.
Finally, Yuffie claims that Cid has a collection of porn (which I knew) featuring me(which I did NOT know). If it weren't for the fact that Reno seems to know about the collection, & is trying to bribe Yuffie to steal it for him, I wouldn't give such rumors a second thought.
What exactly is so fascinating about me that there is all this unlicensed porn floating around? Whether or not Cid actually has any, Sephiroth continues to email me proof that various people are drawing me in compromising positions--and, oddly enough, not with women, but rather every man I have ever heard of(and some men I have never heard of as well) and occasionally some lust-filled wildlife. I've started to wonder if the strange looks I draw on the street aren't because of my outfit.
I still think that if people are going to draw me naked and being raped by anything with male genitalia, I ought to be paid for it at the very least.
-Vincent
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[02 Mar 2004|10:29am] |
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mood |
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 ashamed |
] |
Now I remember why I never liked drinking.
Typing from Cid's computer; I woke up at his house this morning. He must have brought me back here after I more or less passed out(for the sake of your liver, Cloud, never, ever get into a drinking competition with Cid). I'm worried I might have done some very inappropriate things when I blacked out; I can't find most of my clothes, & I'm sore in places I didn't even realize I had. Also, the bed is stained with God knows what. There are also some unsettling marks on my neck; I may have fought with someone & got bitten in the struggle. That would explain why I look & feel like an absolute wreck.
I'm going to have to apologize to Cid once he wakes up for whatever I did...for now, I desperately need to find out where he keeps the aspirin.
Barring aspirin, a handgun would be nice. I can't remember ever being this hung over.
-Vincent
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[01 Mar 2004|06:54pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
] |
Well, Cid has fixed my keyboard. (Thank you, Cid.) I'm sorry that he had to go to the trouble of coming here to fix it for me, but I don't know how to do it myself, and I can't always remember that I only have one hand that I'm allowed to type with.
He didn't seem all that put out about it, though. And he kept touching me accidentally in inappropriate places, which was rather awkward--and he was just fixing my keyboard, so I'm still not quite sure how exactly that happened even once, much less four times. If it had been anyone else, I would be concerned.
By the way, Cloud? I've been hearing some unsettling rumors about you and a Chocobo. What exactly have you been doing in the stables?
-Vincent
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[01 Mar 2004|10:27am] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
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Dxmn. I wxs right xbout the clxw. The X key is jxmmed now, so I'm using the x key instexd.
I hope Cid cxn fix this.
-Vincent
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[01 Mar 2004|10:24am] |
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mood |
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apathetic |
] |
Cloud suggested that I start keeping a journal; I don't know why. I barely have anything to say out loud...why would I have more to say on a computer?
And why an online journal? I don't know anything about computers, and it took me ten minutes to type this far with one hand since I can't really type with my claw. I'm afraid I might puncture the keys. This isn't exactly what I would call efficient...
How does one make a link here?
...Well, now that I've spent half an hour finding out, can someone explain to me why Sephiroth is alive and well and taking a course in Russian?
Entirely aside from the fact that he's alive, I don't know what he needs to know Russian for.
One other thing--how is one supposed to interact normally with one's teammates when people constantly draw pictures of them raping me?
-Vincent
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